My new phone says ’Good morning’ to me. I didn’t ask it to, it just started doing it. It’s something to do with the alarm, which can only be set once you’ve set up the Health section of the phone.

It involves setting a Sleep Schedule – something else I didn’t ask it to do. I felt it as an impertinence on the part of the technology. If I want a Sleep Schedule, I’ll plan one. I don’t need to be cajoled by my phone.

My phone has mission creep

When I first got my new phone, I was disappointed to find that it was significantly bigger than my old phone. Forgive me, but I recall mobile phones in the 80s being bricks. I thought that was something we were designing away?

Not only is it bigger physically, but experientially as well. That sounds so instinctively like a good thing, it could almost be a line from an ad.

Your new phone – bigger, experientially.

But is that a good thing? I’m not so sure. I want my phone to do certain things. But I realized as it said ‘Good morning’ to me this morning that very soon I will have a virtual assistant who will be telling me all sorts of things.

I pictured myself in my care home, years from now, sitting there over my porridge as my virtual care assistant tells me everything: what the weather is like outside, what the Tories have been up to, how much rainforest is missing today, have I remembered to go to the toilet, etc.

It would be terribly clever to have robotic assistance in remembering my bowel movements, but do I want it? Do I have a choice?

The moment the phone left the side table and entered my pocket, it could have been seen as an invasion of personal space. The question I ask myself is how far I want that technology to go in getting to know me.

There comes a point when you just want to be left alone – even by your own phone.

Less of the grumpy old man? Then perhaps, Are you a smartphone addict?